Saturday, May 9, 2009

New Labour Breaks My Heart

How can we ever vote for them again?

News today that in the light of the dreadful, cynical abuse of expenses, rather than apologise or hang their heads in shame, they are instead calling in the police and trying to work out how to sue the Torygraph for printing the details.  I used to imagine that the Tories used to abuse power because they were Tories.  Now it seems you abuse power simply because you have  it, whoever you are.

The double irony is that this has happened in the same week they've announced the introduction of ID cards in Manchester.  What makes me laugh is that the party line on the threat posed to civil liberties by ID cards is, "If you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear".  The antics over expenses show that cabinet ministers are seemingly exempt from this argument.

It's such a facile concept anyway - it ignores the whole concept of privacy.  There may be things I"m not scared about, but I'd rather people didn't know.

So next time a cabinet minister trots out "If you've got nothing to hide you've got nothing to fear," I suggest we all write to them asking questions from the following list:
  • What was the last thing you claimed for on expenses?
  • Have you ever told a lie to your children?
  • Have you ever picked your nose and eaten it?
  • What colour underwear are you wearing today?
  • Do you have any birthmarks on your private parts?
  • Have you had a shit yet today?
  • When was the last time you masturbated?
  • In your view, what's your partner's biggest fault?
  • And what do they think yours is?
If you asked me any of these questions I'd be offended, and I'd tell you to fuck off and mind your own business.  But none of them touch on anything illegal - if you truly believe "nothing to hide, nothing to fear", you won't mind answering them.


  1. Find myself in the horrifying position of contemplating a Conservative vote next time around, purely on this issue. Always thought I'd cut off both my arms first. Then I realised; I can vote for the ALP instead...

  2. I wouldn't be the slightest bit embarrassed about answering any and all of those questions in public. Why would you?

    Maybe you're ashamed of having had a quick Jodrell earlier on, or that your pants are an unflattering purple number, but seriously, nobody else gives a toss.